Half-Mile Radius of Downtown Chicago Voted Best City to Visit

By Lexington Concord Jr.

CHICAGO - For the third year in a row, travelers have voted a half-mile radius of downtown Chicago as the best city to visit in a recent survey published by Condé Nast Traveler.

“From Millennium Park to the Bean to the theater where Hamilton is playing, Chicago truly has it all,” gushed the magazine about an area that includes a small sliver of River North and does not go west of Franklin.

“We know Chicago is a city of neighborhoods, but trust us, you don’t need to choke on clouds of American Spirit smoke in Wicker or stand nuts-to-butts on the Red Line to experience the city,” the article continued.  “If you want to dodge stroller moms in Lincoln Square or fall into a pothole the size of Berwyn, go for it, I guess.”

Local highlights from the article also included the Goodman Theater, the Picasso statue, and the Chick-Fil-A on State Street.  None of the survey’s 600,000 respondents visited Chicago in January.

Reached for comment on the fifth floor of City Hall, Mayor Lori Lightfoot celebrated the news and reminded tourists to “not wander off and get your dumb ass lost late at night.”

“Also, please stop asking for directions to your hotel.  We live here, we don’t know where the hotels are,” continued the mayor.

Before this remarkable 3 year streak, Illinois had not been featured in the Condé Nast Traveler since the Sears Tower Skydeck was voted the 78th best city to visit back in 2004.