Meteorologists Report that Tomorrow We can Expect up to Three Coworkers Making 'So Much for Global Warming' Jokes

By: Patrick Reilly

CHICAGO - Just in time for the Halloween weekend, Chicago is gearing up for its first heavy weather commentary in workplaces. Meteorologists warn we can expect to see freezing rain, sleet, and up to three coworkers joking that, "it sure doesn't feel like there's global warming."

Furthermore, they’re expecting a downpour of comments that, "it snowed on Halloween two - or no, wait, was it three? - years ago," with a high chance of more anecdotes over the weekend.

The first wave of commentary came early Wednesday morning, when Debra from accounting sighed and said she couldn’t believe it was snowing already, this early, and speculated about the role of global climate change before mumbling something about Bernie Sanders. At the same time, reports are coming in that show the guy at the desk next to you smugly asked, “Weren’t you complaining about it being too hot this summer?”

These conditions are expected to worsen tomorrow.

The National Weather Service advises that Chicagoans should also be prepared for Halloween revelers wearing short skirts to complain about the cold, as if this is their first day in Chicago or something.

Luckily, there are many easy ways Chicagoans can brace themselves for the sudden blizzard of dull wit. Experts suggest wearing earmuffs by the office water cooler for ample protection from the small-talk, or working out of a local coffee shop, where everybody will be too miserable to converse with one another.

Care should be taken on the roads as there will now be an influx of people complaining about other drivers forgetting how to deal with snow. Extra attention and care should also be taken for the elderly at this time, as they are especially prone to debate this type of weather phenomenon.

“Ultimately, if you are prepared and smart, arguing about the weather won’t be too dangerous,” says Chicago Machine weather chief Nathan Thompson. “And it is always good preparation for the debates over dibs etiquette expected later this winter.”