"We ran out of gas long ago, we're subject to the river's will, and our only chance of survival is the generosity or carelessness of passers by on the bridges above," said passenger Brittany Orland, as she reached out off of the side of the boat to catch a fallen pint of Ben & Jerry's from the Lyric Opera Bridge.

He’s mentioned it in the past but hasn’t really followed through. "This year is going to be different," he said, "There comes a time in a wiener's life when Sport Peppers, Pickles, Tomatoes, Mustard, Celery Salt, Onions, Neon Relish, and Poppy Seed Buns just aren’t enough.”

"We will be issuing discounted tickets to passengers who have been dismembered or maimed by the ongoing battle although we discourage involvement. Please attempt to stay within the designated demilitarized zone of the Brown Line above Sedgwick.”

“Most of the show's budget so far has gone into an extensive legal team they are keeping on retainer.“

"We haven't updated a damn thing,” said general contractor Pete Borisson. "But we have put down masking tape labeling the new 'living districts' of the old supermarket. We'll be billing for that."